Through these eyes
we see many different angles
a way to look at life
even if it’s shattered
swept aside
a demure sense of being
streetwise but lost in a fray of filth
tangled in the street’s darkness
rivers run
water is stagnant
all waste sinks
any sense of magic doesn’t seem to hold
people look at her
disheveled appearance
tattered mess of self
sadness strongly exudes from those eyes as
she waits by the gates to exit into
the unknown areas of her mind
soon to be lost in overindulgence
of wild nights filled with booze, men and too many cigarettes
I've read several of the selections for this photo and so far I like yours the best. You make her real and likeable.
ReplyDeleteI like how you have us look through her eyes:
"Through these eyes/ we see many different angles/a way to look at life/ even if it's shattered/swept aside/a demure sense of being/streetwise but lost in a fray of filth/tangled in the streeet's darkness"
The words shattered/demure/streetwise/fray of filth(what an awesome phrase!)/tangled
Great images that keep us from judging her and instead liking her.
waiting at the gate of her mind...you did a great job setting this up...if only we could see through the eyes of all we look at as different ot slightly shattered
ReplyDeleteThe power of a poem lies in its ability to get behind an image and make it both substantially new and ferally real ... You survey this woman's eyes and do a great job of cateloguing their misery and fury and futility. Nice job - Brendan
ReplyDeleteFrom first to final line, a great poem. "Rivers run / Water is stagnant / All waste sinks" Such a great mid- and turning-point to your poem. Displays excellent control of language.
ReplyDeleteThat you've used the word demure in this picture and made it seem appropriate speaks to how well you created your view of this character. A very well structured and original take on the prompt, pamela--and a poem that reveals what's beneath the surface as well as what's easy to see.
ReplyDelete"the sense of magic not holding"...there is little magic in the streets and many streets that hold this story...nice talk Pam...bkm
ReplyDeleteYes, she seems like a delicate girl who went down a hard road, doesn't she? And now there's no going back.
ReplyDeleteLovely poem..
ReplyDeleteI always admire your poems.As a token of appreciation ,I have awarded you and hope you pick up your award at http://umaspoembook.blogspot.com/2011/03/exploring-poetry-couplets.html
You deserve the best!
Pamela, the empathy you create here and then lead the reader to feel is incredible. Again, your control of the language is admirable and enviable. Hats off, lady,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
I've read this a couple of times this week. It's great. wild nights, booze and too many cigarettes. It's strong...tired...holding.
ReplyDeleteGreat photo too.
Thanks for the visit B.
ReplyDeleteYes, if we only could, Brian.
ReplyDeleteShe does have very sad eyes, Brendan.
ReplyDeleteJoy Ann, I am not sure why I arrived at that
ReplyDeleteparticular word. Thanks.
So very true, Barb.
ReplyDeleteThat is the feeling I got from the photo, Shay.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that, Uma.
ReplyDeleteWe must look beyond the obvious, Elizabeth.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kolembo, the photographer is awesome.
ReplyDeletealways amazing what the eyes of a person can tell us..beautifully captured
ReplyDeleteThat is so very true, Claudia.
ReplyDeleteGood read, fits the picture.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Steve.
ReplyDelete