As ashes floating in the night
I can see her lustrous eyes
while you shine your divine light
on blood wine as it is spilt
at the hour of death
We may sense an aroma left behind
that joins the ladder with strategy
When a sparkle came through like a
feather with fine edges, silken smooth
Syncopation runs smoothly as
imagination allows breathing to become steady
A hallucinogenic toreador stands guard in the night,
cupping lush flowers passed around the room,
listen to explosions surrounding,
descending on a tower of inlaid ivory
Can night see her as ashes floating in
the sky? I sparkle through,
sparkle like stars resting easy
Process notes:
I created this from lines of my poems,
re-adjusted them where necessary added and
took away words, cut-up two sentences.
This is the final result.
These are the lines:
scent an aroma is left behind
ashes floating in the night
with her lustrous eyes
placing the ladder with strategy
when a sparkle came through
feather with fine edges
syncopation runs rampant and furious
imagination allows breathing slow and steady
he is the hallucinogenic toreador
I cupped fresh flowers that were passed around the room
explosions all around
from a tower of inlaid ivory
shine your divine light
blood wine is spilt at the hour of death
Red Wolf Journal Spring 2014, and a fresh start
10 years ago
Posts
Pamela, This exercise panned out for you! I'll be trying this idea myself--especially with April rounding the corner. It's interesting how well it flows from many different places, one image into the next. Bravo!
ReplyDelete~Brenda
Wonderful! I am especially caught by "her lustrous eyes", and the blood wine is spilt at the hour of death." Both could be other places one might "take off."
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Ha ha ha! I see my process notes are almost as long as the poem. I liked this exercise from last week's prompt from Donna. I just now found the time to do it.
ReplyDeleteYou should try the cut-up machine, it turned out some interesting results:)
I think the first stanza stands, but I really like the idea of explosions descending a tower of inlaid ivory.
ReplyDeleteI like the sibilance in this poem. One for reading aloud.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tilly:)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Annell:)
ReplyDeleteI do like the hallucinogenic toreador...the power of this exercise is that every line is a powerful image.
ReplyDeleteThat's an interesting idea - and great words, of course.
ReplyDeleteWonderful flow, as usual. Really liked the hallucinogenic toreador, can't tell you why, just seemed right.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Thanks Barb, maybe I should've stopped after the first stanza:)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Matt, Anthony and Elizabeth:)
ReplyDelete