"Life is the dancer and you are the dance."
Eckhart Tolle

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Voices of depression

This depression hits me at times when I least expect it

It always unwelcomed and always like a stranger

That I don’t want to see

Or meet so if you must come to me

Can’t you at least come in the guise of a friend?

Who is looking out for my best?

Here I have nothing to do, but maybe die

Oh the sound of death

The song I want to sing

The chorus I want to join

Will they let me?

Back to the beginning when things were easy

Oh how I loved living

I enjoyed so many small pleasures

But now I just feel the same

Things bore the shit out of me

So easily and what is really happening here?

That is my question

I am so sad and depressed

Bored and alone with no one to want

Because they make me sick

All my options are shit

Go away will you please

Leave me alone

I prefer that as opposed to this

You bother me and I don’t like you at all

So just go away please

Can’t the voices of depression leave me alone?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Naked and cold

I’m standing here naked
My nipples hard against the cold
In this place I am exposed

I need some cover: a place to hide
I want a cape to wrap myself in
Something to make me feel warm again

The rain falls cold all round me
Forming muddy puddles at my feet
Showing me where I have been

Tomorrow this ground will be frozen
Making beautiful crystalline patterns for all to see
I must move my unclothed body from here
And look for shelter: from the unforgiving elements

I cannot move, I am paralyzed
I do not want anyone to see me here … naked

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Azure skies

                                    By Sepulture (mood disorder)

“The sky is azure today” he says to no one.
He is starting to feel strange in this place
He remembers the day when that colour reminded him of his “blazon of coats of arms”
(He comes from an old French family)
He was at one time quite noble
But now he is tired

“How can my life go on in this barren land?” he says to the ground.
(He needs to talk to something)
“I fear he may be losing his mind” says a vulture circling above
In this place he remembers his once royal life and fancy clothes
But now he is sad

He kneels on the ground, dressed in an old hooded sweatshirt and dirty jeans
“How has my life come to this?” he asks himself.
He pulls up his hood and covers his dirty hair

With no human to speak to
In front of him sits a chair as broken as him
lonely …

Monday, January 25, 2010

She never opens her eyes

She was feeling like maybe she would never open her eyes
You know when you are there in that place
Where you want to go
And never come back here

“So what am I gonna do?” he asked
In an angry voice; full of hatred
She wondered does he really feel that insecure
That for her is just too sad

She is now feeling like she had never opened her eyes to look at this
But she is there with him and they are not sure of the outcome
Do they know how this will go?
It only ends here and back to the beginning
When she didn’t want to open her eyes

Never open my eyes

I was feeling like maybe I would never open my eyes
You know when you are there in that place
Where you want to go
And never come back here

“So what am I gonna do” you say
In an angry voice; full of venom
I wonder do you really feel that much hate inside
That for me is just too sad

I am now feeling like I had never opened my eyes to look at this
But I am here with you and I am not sure of the outcome
You know how this will go?
It only ends here and back to the beginning
When you didn’t want to open your eyes



Sunday, January 24, 2010

A mirror and egg salad sandwiches

Like a useless blanket you are so thin
You egocentric human being with epileptic seizures
“Would you like an egg salad sandwich”? she asks you
“Will that be on white or whole wheat” I want to know

Lonely, mysterious and always waiting for the fourth down
You are just a twinkle in his eye and nothing more
He is going to Oklahoma with his persnickety, condescending spaniel
He owns a dog-eared copy of “War and Peace” and a dime store Indian

Very intriguing even at room temperature
It all is so triangular just like Bolivar
When he won the war in Calcutta
He gave him his boots as a souvenir

Then I pawned them so I could pay for the trifecta
I picked the number “5” horse and lost my ass
And I watched the harlot who was the winner
And I thought about maybe killing her

He is back again and it is only the Fourth of July
He is nocturnal and is absolutely unstoppable
I will sit on my stool under the moonshine and sing a bird’s song
Hoping he won’t be mirrored in my soul

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Me and skulls (with Rasputin)

I feel fragile with my surrender
And so impractical with my suggestions toward you
I need a big bottle to put all of these feelings in

I read my horoscope and since I am a Sagittarius
My outlook never is good for me
They say I live in a fantasy and with poor reception
Do they mean perception?

Meanwhile I am looking for Rasputin
With his entire skullduggery at least you know his game
It can be memorable; just listening to his friend playing the ukulele

I love playing hopscotch especially when it’s warm out
It is always a nice icebreaker, when the visitors drink scotch
I truly love looking for fireflies on those nights when they come

My virtuosity is in Spanish (as everybody knows)
I have a kiln for the words and expressions I have learned
And they come out hard and shiny ready to be painted once again

I try to squelch all the hard times I have fallen upon
Like with the skulls I found in my yard in September
I tried to trisect all of them
But it didn’t work and now they are perpendicular

Usually I am much more persuasive when I talk to skulls and Rasputin

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Choir of animals singing in my dreams
The beat of the choir; my animals
Are chimpanzees disguised as antelope?
Sabbath feasting shielded by my guards
Crocus slumber through the marsh
Graveyards full of tender salmon
Tough, bilingual, slang, ardent
I answer the call, a message lotus
A robin sings in the robin bush
Are begging aardvarks not to hunt
Aching black sheep say "bah" in foilage
Is "bah" understood in a gazelle's forest?
Cruel drenched by sparse lion's mane
With comprehension cut the air with animals

An Oige
Chuir mi car mun chnoc gu tùrail-
cnoc de chnuic am beanntan Uige
san àit' an d' rinn mo chuimhne dùsgadh;
feasgar Sàbald shìos mun ghàrradh
crìochan saogh'l le òrdugh màthar
'g èisdeachd fuinn nan salm a' teàrnadh
togt' air bilean sluaigh ànirde;
a' call nan cas am measg na luachrach,
cha robh daorach 's cha robh buarach
a' bacadh adhartas na h-uarach
ach bha sìth ann is bha fois ann,
is bha ùrachadh 's gach frois ann;
ceòl is driùchd 's bu lìonmhor spòrsa,
sin cuimhneachan air cuairt na h-òige

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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

February someday

It's February and I'm sitting on a rock by the oceanside

I'm looking at the sky and wondering about the starlight

The nukes were dropped on our neighbors just two days ago

So I cannot figure out how the sky can be so clear and marvelous

We will be having a moratorium for one month;

It's what everybody has agreed upon after the attack

I thinking about the whales and how they have been affected by the bombs

I doubt my crass and heartless fellow humans have even given it a second thought

I tremble with fear at what I know the outcome for us will be

As if things are not bad enough already

I suffer from Hypertension, and now I have tremors

Which I can no longer control and the prognosis is not good

My brother died from this unspeakable disease

Quivering his way into the earth inside a mahogany box

His was a millionaire but in the end his money did not serve him well

For all his pomposity and condescending behavior I still loved him

 My superfluous thoughts are interrupted

By the loudspeaker announcement

They are saying the Mohicans are coming to visit tomorrow

They are credible and always cordial with us

I know they'll be generous with the harvest they made on their farms

They grow tomatoes, potatoes, corn and mushrooms

(Well, actually the cows produce them with their manure)

Those happen to be my favorite

They might even want to play soccer with us and I'll keep score

That is if we can find a place without a lot of ash on it

I think I should head home on my water skis because I am feeling dirty

I would love a nice, hot shower (if we have running water)

I have this pretty yellow party dress I want to wear tomorrow

I want to impress all the Mikes who will be there

Many Mohicans  have named their sons Mike and they are always very handsome with dimples

I have to look very pretty tomorrow because time is running out for me

I might even put a magnolia in my hair if I can find one that is still alive

If not there are always the fake ones at home in a vase on my dining room table

They'll work nicely enough

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Grampa's bestfriend

I was eating cheeseburgers while I was waiting for Rumpelstiltskin to visit me
Yesterday we had an atomic blast
I really needed to talk to him
He is very wise
He is best friends with my grampa
My grampa was one of the Brothers Grimm
Now he is retired

He finally arrived
He didn’t want to talk about the blast
Instead he told me about his latest tryst with a handmaiden from town
So we sat together in the corner by the fire
On some new stools I had just bought at Home Depot
He began his tale by telling me:
About her lovely hips and her beautiful purple dress with borders in gold
How it made her look more curvaceous than she actually was

I asked my next question with some trepidation
I didn’t want to upset him
I knew I had to allow him his space
He can be very aggressive at times
He intimidates me
“How is it you stole her away from Sky King”? I asked
Contemplating his answer, He told me how she got away
She said she was going to commit suicide
Not wanting to hear anymore of this story
Because it was disturbing me

I changed the subject
Asking him if he wanted some gravy I just made
My gravy is wonderful on homemade biscuits
He allowed me to serve him some
I put some on my beautiful china
It used to belong to my grampa

We hadn’t quite completely finished with our meal
When he began to tell me about his lastest idea
He wanted to move to Ohio with his girl
She would bring her yearlings
He told me also how blue the sky was there
How the grass was much greener than anything he had ever seen
Deciding I didn’t want to be the destroyer of his dreams
I thought they were manic
I told him I would help with the liquidation of his weaving business
We could start whenever he wanted
I want to make his move with his lady as easy as possible
After all he is my grampa’s bestfriend

Monday, January 18, 2010

First draft of Blue bandana valley

I saw a lumpy lady going into the soup kitchen

Then I saw the crackhead with snot on his face was he absolved?

Ok now where was I you ask

I was on the boulevard between the light and dark

Want to know where that is, don’t ask

In this place lightning bolts jump all round the sidewalk

You need a shield to exist here it is lethal I tell you

We got firebrand tires to wear to parties

We go to those parties with our uncles, who usually bring their goats as the main act

You may think I am morally insane

But I learned this from a Chinese woman who spoke Chinese mandarin

She also ate mandarins and made orange marmalade, which was delicious

I wanted to have sex with her but I knew I would have to use a contraceptive device if I did

So I didn’t bother, that is too complicated for someone of my stature

I would like someday to tie my eyebrows together like the cooper I met once

Forget that I said that, there is righteousness to being me you know

Oh another secret I must tell you about this place is that you can’t go out at six o’clock

Because if you do the people from ironworks will come and cut out your tongue

They use them for bird treats round here

Please come visit sometime

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Blue bandana valley

In this place there are lightning bolts
You need a shield to exist here
We got firebrand tires to wear to parties
We go to those parties with our uncles, who usually bring their goats as the main act
You may think I am morally insane
But I learned this from a Chinese woman who spoke Mandarin
She also ate mandarins and made orange marmalade, which was delicious
I wanted to have sex with her but I knew I would have to use a contraceptive device
So I didn’t bother, that is too complicated for someone of my stature
I would like someday to tie my eyebrows together like the cooper I once met
There is righteousness to being me
You can’t go out at six o’clock
Because if you do the people from Ironworks will cut out your tongue
They use them for bird treats round here
Please come visit sometime and you too can be absolved

In the ward

I was walking down the street chewing bubble gum
That day I was wearing a red shirt, I really love how that shirt looks with my blonde hair
Sometimes I’m very vain but if I don’t praise myself who will
I often visit the geriatrics in the nursing home hoping I can find my mom
Oh how I loved her, we used to sit and eat manna together talking about the antichrist
How her words resonate in my brain as I see her image
She loved to play board games and she was always quick with a joke
I sometimes wondered was she my natural mother because she was so lovely and healthy
I remember the day she told me about the Brownshirts drinking grape juice
I said to her “Do they smoke opium, too?” If they drink grape juice they must smoke opium
I would like to go back in a time machine when people were sincere
Just like my mom I am so sorry that she is gone
I have made my fortune in timetables since she left me
I have many interests some untried and others unfounded
I will remain the underdog until the tidal wave comes to take me away

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I wonder

I wonder where is he is my little baby boy
The one with long hair asking me if he should cut it
When I say no he smiles only the the way a little boy can
I miss you little baby boy
My heart aches for you little baby boy
Where did you go into the deep depths of unconsciousness?
Well little baby boy I miss you
Don’t change your life ever
Remain the same that is what makes you special
Just like the child that I missed

Living in the suburbs

Smoking Marlboros with ecclesiastic cats
Robin Hood hungry for more morons
Usurped patriots lose many kilos
Red paint for those with afterbirth
Enthusiastic football players use a hockey puck
Many a yard they run looking for a tank
Technology beyond our understanding
Is the gardener anywhere to be found?
More red paint for the enthusiastic
Less technology for Robin Hood
Teach him how to use a hockey puck
Usurped he can’t play football anymore
They are hungry for more cats
The ecclesiastic cats wonder why
Can’t we smoke more Marlboros
Afterbirth running in the gutter
After the tank rolls by with the gardener
Red paint splashed upon a wall with Robin Hood’s image

Dylan and Tonto

While Dylan in drag was drinking port wine
The lone ranger came by saying “kemo sabe”
Translation “greetings trusty scout”
He asked “Have you seen any Indian movies lately?"
One’s about the castration of cows
“In my moralistic view they are underachieving” he said
They sat alone in the darkness eating many lollipops
They talked about firefighters and how hard that job must be
The following day their friends arrived at the port with many gifts including meat
The garbage eaters were there as well wanting diamonds
“How ridiculous is life?" They asked each other
Just yesterday they wanted food and now they want jewels
‘’Cataclysm is an adventure for them I think’’
‘For they speak with no tongue”
As one commented to the other
As they wander out to sea

Thursday, January 14, 2010

My ghosts

As I walk down the lonely isolated path
I see the trees with no leaves or blossoms
I look round to see if they are following me … they are
But they do not show themselves
Although I know they are there
I see the stones broken and scattered along the way
As I progress onward, I turn toward the noise I hear
Now they greet me with sneers and laughter
I ignore them, they do not phase me
I know they want to bother me, but they can’t
They are powerless in this place
They see me, they haunt me
I will turn my attention elsewhere
I look to my right
I see the decayed corpse
Of a person I once knew
Where is their spirit now?
Did they have a soul?
I continue on the deadened path without fear
I know when I arrive to my destination
They will be there to greet me once again
My ghosts

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Sounds and Echoes

Sounds vibrate with the echoes

Echoes channeling through the dense air
Moving rapidly on the sparse winds

Sounds that echo in my mind

Echoes down a mountain and back to me again
Swirling sounds that wrap round my brain

Forever sounds and echoes
Always reminding me of where to go

Sounds chasing the echoes

Monday, January 11, 2010

Never all alone

She walks through the world
All alone
She sleeps through the nights
All alone
She dreams in the night
With her love
She laughs in the day
With her friends
She cries in her room
All alone
She runs through the universe
All alone
She feels in her heart
With her emotions
She gives of herself
With all her love
She cares with her heart and soul
She can move on from here
Knowing she will never be
All alone

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I am an enthusiast

Feeling the warm silky thigh next to mine

I wonder what am I drawing into me here

I am forever an enthusiast

I love to follow with the elite

I will never be sundered

I will never question them

I have shouldered against the best

Even the simple ones

I have felt the brunt of their froth

All my life I have felt their stones hit me

It doesn’t phase me at all

Because I live among the elite with fertile womb

Forever ready to conceive

And never to answer a question

Beg,Borrow,Steal #109


Everyone asks me where are you going?

What is it you will do with your life now?

I have no answers to these questions

Where am I going?

And what will I do with my life now?

Where is a relative space in time

What means nothing to me

Where did you go?

What are you doing?

Those are the answers that I want

I feel the cold it chills me

I have my dreams and my desires

Where is not important and what I do is less

Where is on a beach watching the waves come upon the shore

I miss what you were doing and regardless of me

Where are you?

What is it you do now without me?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

A tree

A seed in the earth
Some wetness gives it life
It moves, it grows
It bursts through the ground
A small green bud appears

It stretches for the sun
Some wetness helps it grow
It moves, it reaches for the sky
Branches form small green leaves

Reaching for the sun
It hopes for some wetness
It moves, it grows
It now has become full of green leaves and beautiful red flowers

Hummingbirds visit it every day
Singing beautiful songs only it understands

It loves the earth
And the earth cherishes it
It wants to live forever
It needs some wetness
It drinks with a healthy appetite

It moves, it grows
It has many friends
Friends that rely on it for a place to live
It wants to be here forever

Friday, January 8, 2010

The Sky and Its Clouds

The sky is bright
It’s blue and white

The clouds are full and happy
They dance in the sky

The sky is dark
It’s grey and black

The clouds are thin and angry
They cry in the sky

The sky is tired
It’s blue, purple and red

The clouds are smooth and weary
They sleep in the sky

The sky is awake
It’s blue and green with yellow

The clouds are satisfied and content
They move around in the sky
To start a new day of wonder

Thursday, January 7, 2010


They float around me
I understand them
They are the colors of life
The blues, the greens, the yellows … they make me feel alive
The reds, the oranges, the purple … they make me feel alive
They are all around us, for us to touch
We can reach for the colors
We should live the colors while we still can
Breathe the colors that let you feel
And feeling colors is all I know

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Thursday, December 31, 2009 at 1:55pm

This is the time when all things must pass

This is the time when all sadness will leave

This is the point of which there is no return

This is the turning point of all regrets into joy

These are the things that makes one's life happy

These are the things that one's heart looks for

That is what we must make our life

That is what we have come here for

Those are the lessons of love

Those are the trials of loving and giving

They are the lessons we must learn

And if we don't we will always live in the past