A revolution exists within itself,
turmoil of push and draw.
Exporting more substance to feed
corrugated sludge that lays a plague
on the surface of your youth.
Supplies of metal-sheathed armaments
can be used in case of disagreement
over whose turf is whose,
to turn away leads with its blind gaze.
Continued prey upon less fortunates,
sleeping in hovels,
cultivating your monetary harvest in a sweltering sun,
dreams of everything you have,
humbled by your shiny new cars and fancy gadgets,
while wearing torn clothes,
letting sweat seep from their pores, stains won’t leave.
As air-conditioners hum,
the fat man lines his pockets
with freshly sheared wool, quite a bounty.
His daughter wasn’t murdered;
left in a desert sun to decompose …
vultures picking meat from her bones.
But you’ve got your power lunches,
Starbuck’s daily featured latte,
Chai tea, syrupy sweetness
clings to the interior of your mouth.
I don’t miss what has not existed for a while.
A kiss on the cheek or friendly smile is crucial to me now
“When disposition wins us, the features please.”
Ovid (BC 43-AD 18) Roman poet.
Red Wolf Journal Spring 2014, and a fresh start
10 years ago
Posts
Pam, can I be the first to say you are growing in the force (as a poet). It was about this time a year ago when I first started reading your material and liked it then but love it now. There is a depth you've acquired, a voice I want to hear more of. Keep it coming!
ReplyDeleteGot to agree with the above comment - you're getting very good.
ReplyDeleteVery strong indeed. I especially like the contrast between the sweetmouths and those who employ metal to assert dominion over turf that (let's face it) no one really "owns."
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff.
I too find it strong, the language natural.
ReplyDeleteWow! An awesome piece, Pamela! I truly admire your work.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, you are getting better and better.
ReplyDeleteI struggled with this prompt but you make it look easy.
Beautifully written! Well done!
ReplyDeletePamela, I read it backwards, too, then forwards again. The juxtapositioning of starbucks and power lunches to sleeping in hovels exposes a deep chasm. Well done.
ReplyDelete~Brenda
Thanks for such a wonderful comment, JD.
ReplyDeleteAnthony, how nice of you.
ReplyDeleteRon, I didn't know this is what I would end up with when starting this poem. Writing it backwards was quite mind-boggling and trying to keep it cohesive was not proving to be the easiest task. I broke down the stanzas, but it still has some gaps going backwards. I just let it be after a while. Too tedious.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dave:)
ReplyDeleteYou are truly nice, Marianne.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tilly, but some of the parts are not cohesive, but I just don't care now. This form consumed my whole afternoon.
ReplyDeleteThanks Annell:)
ReplyDeleteThere is a deep chasm, Brenda, as with some parts going backwards. It was a loopy way to write. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteIt's a powerful read & style. I'm intrigued by what the poem says, and how.
ReplyDeleteYowza, Pamela.
Thanks Deb, but I must admit, I had no idea it would end up this way,the subject matter that is,
ReplyDeleteI started with the quote, wrote the next two lines up and it took off from there.
Can't argue - very good just keeps getting better!
ReplyDeleteThanks Stan, from one gringo to another;) It is nice to see you back on the circuit.
ReplyDeletePamela, so glad to see you getting these wonderful statements of affirmation. I too, have been watching you grow, and it is inspiring, to say the least. This poem is fantastic, so full of juxtapositonins, clearly defined imagery, statement of truth. Love it,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
juxtapositions...sorry, that's what I get for writing fast and reading only after I click.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, I was pleasantly surprised by JD's statement when I read it. I read the prose of so many of you wonderful poets and only wish to be able to convey my words, so eloquently with such deep feeling behind them. So, I write everyday and in many ways I can feel the liberation of it.
ReplyDeleteI still have much to learn. Thanks for the nice comment my friend.
As for the typo, no-one knows better than me;)
I'm a lousy typist.
Revolution, corruption, vultures picking meat from her bones...
ReplyDeleteAmazing stuff!
What a captivating story with so much meaning I have to read it again. I love your words and the images they conjure.
ReplyDeletePam, I go along with those who have commented on your growth as a poet, as evidenced by this poem. I can add nothing to what has been said. Bravo to good writing! Salute'
ReplyDeleteAndy, I wasn't sure how the meat picking was going to be received, but it seems to have gone well.
ReplyDeleteYou compliment me, Judy, thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks my friend, Mary.
ReplyDeletethis is a friendly smile
ReplyDelete=) even if it is a bit pixelly =)
And I accept it graciously, Janet:)
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of really nice images and sounds here. Though this is one of my graphic favorites, maybe I shouldn't describe it as a 'nice' image: "His daughter wasn’t murdered;
ReplyDeleteleft in a desert sun to decompose …
vultures picking meat from her bones."
Really like this one!
Pamela - that is an amazing piece! I read it both directions; and I loved it!
ReplyDeleteWasn't sure about that one, M.A.S.:)
ReplyDeleteThanks Mariya, it is a bit clumsy going backwards, but it couldn't be helped and I didn't want to start over. This prompt was a pain in the neck.
ReplyDeleteThe bite in this poem is good - chewy and bitter. I especially like the juxtaposition of images - the air conditioner, the wool, the desert, the vultures. Very compact and powerful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mr. Walker, though, I didn't much enjoy the backwards idea. I am happy with the end result, in how it reads going in the forward direction:)
ReplyDelete