"Life is the dancer and you are the dance."
— Eckhart Tolle

Friday, January 7, 2011

"tak and nie" big tent poetry #35-a poem with a foot or feet in it

If you lay out the meters
side by side
so we may have feet
I think the moon has died …
Obscurity outlines me
centimeters become meters – the lost moon
Persistence of sounds echo
Never to cast a silhouette
As an overcast sky hides my shadow
Posted by flaubert at 12:13 AM

34 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2011 at 2:03 AM

    Pamela, obscure is the word! I don;t understand the title!

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  2. JamesJanuary 7, 2011 at 6:26 AM

    Hey my feet led me to the moon also. I like the way feet can be read several ways in the 3rd line. There's a sense of creation there. Nice.

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  3. Laurie KolpJanuary 7, 2011 at 8:50 AM

    Good one...I especially like "persistence of sounds echo"

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  4. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    Viv, yes obscure is correct. I had a difficult time with this prompt. Not an easy subject to write about. The title is Polish for yes and no.
    Pamela

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  5. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 9:35 AM

    Thanks much James.
    Pamela

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  6. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    Thanks Laurie.
    Pamela

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  7. ElizabethJanuary 7, 2011 at 10:01 AM

    Really like those final three lines. May have been a bit hard to get there, but well worth the journey, Pamela.

    Elizabeth

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  8. annell4January 7, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    Beautiful! Beautiful! Thank you so much for such magical words!

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  9. mareymercyJanuary 7, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    Interesting - it went somewhere I didn't expect. I like how the feet lead to the moon, but the moon is "lost." Sad.

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  10. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    Elizabeth that is a huge compliment. I was daunted by this prompt. Maybe trying to hard and finally I just let the words flow.
    Pamela

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  11. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 12:04 PM

    Annell thanks and yours was an enjoyable read as well.
    Pamela

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  12. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    I hate when I lose track of the moon:)
    Thanks for the visit.
    Pamela

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  13. LindaJanuary 7, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    I like obscurity outlining the narrator of the poem.it's like an existential statement of our world where too often people exist isolatedfrom one another.

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  14. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Linda, that is very true. As close as we feel to another human, there is essentially a detachment that exists.
    Pamela

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  15. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2011 at 6:46 PM

    I love the image that we need to lay out the meters to have feet - first it seems nonsensical, but then "have feet" could have two readings. It could refer to movement.

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  16. Amanda MooreJanuary 7, 2011 at 7:30 PM

    Thanks for the lesson in Polish! I would never know by your writing this was a tough subject it has such a whimsical feeling I loved it!

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  17. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 8:14 PM

    Donna,like Viv said I think this poem is obscure. But part of that comes from me trying to force the prompt. I am fairly satisfied with the outcome.
    Pamela

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  18. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    Amanda, yeah and I am not Polish. I have been watching "Shoah" for a second time and it is leaving quite an impression on me (again). Watching it later in my life has led me to take a much deeper look at the whole situation. The Polish were very cold and the language is very abrupt. Thanks for the nice comment.
    Pamela

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  19. MaryJanuary 7, 2011 at 10:50 PM

    Pamela, I found the subject an 'easy' one, but I wrote about it so many times this past month that I didn't know if I would find anything else to say. I don't think obscurity outlines you at all, by the way..and I hope the moon NEVER dies. Well written poem!

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  20. flaubertJanuary 7, 2011 at 10:59 PM

    Mary, I know where you are coming from. But I was trying to get too literal with it. I approach life pretty much with one foot in front of the other, but I can't say I have always been that way. I also hope the moon never dies.
    Thanks for being here,
    Pamela

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  21. ireneJanuary 7, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    I think the bit about the moon seem to hold the sense. Whimsical write.

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  22. EKSwitajJanuary 8, 2011 at 7:23 AM

    I think this is one of those poems you get (at least in part) before you understand it, which means it's very good.

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  23. nanJanuary 8, 2011 at 7:38 AM

    Melancholy take on shadows and shadowing. . .

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  24. gautami tripathyJanuary 8, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    It touched me.


    I write notes here...

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  25. flaubertJanuary 8, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    Irene, I am glad you think so:)
    Pamela

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  26. flaubertJanuary 8, 2011 at 2:03 PM

    nan, thanks for the comment.
    Pamela

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  27. flaubertJanuary 8, 2011 at 2:04 PM

    Elizabeth, that is a really nice thing to say.
    Pamela

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  28. flaubertJanuary 8, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    Gautami, I am happy for that:)
    Pamela

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  29. Tumblewords:January 8, 2011 at 4:42 PM

    I like the easy flow between solid and ephemeral, between the real and surreal - nice piece.

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  30. flaubertJanuary 8, 2011 at 6:22 PM

    Susan, I really appreciate that.
    Pamela

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  31. RobinJanuary 9, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    Pamela, this has a dream-like quality, clear as an outline and yet hidden. I love the tension that creates.

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  32. flaubertJanuary 9, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    Robin, I liked how you used "hands" in your poem.
    Pamela

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  33. Brenda ClewsJanuary 9, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    To go or not to go, metric or moon, walking hither and thither, yes and no! Reminds me of a nursery rhyme. Lovely.

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  34. flaubertJanuary 10, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    Thanks Brenda.
    This prompt made me of the nursery rhyme
    "What is the ugliest part of your body?"
    Though certainly did not go in that direction.

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