"Life is the dancer and you are the dance."
Eckhart Tolle

Sunday, May 1, 2011

"Words Fall in Silence" Wordle 2-A Wordling Whirl of Sundays

 

Never ending thrumming rifts in swiftness,
in richness spoken, sustaining me, teaching me to see …
gratefully eternal, to know without written labels
metaphorically and grandiose
I’ve been engaging animated scenes, only
given logically to roses’ daily whispered growth

Revenge is done, it’s hoarded my sunshine;
we die begging for such gestures
Beacons have such similarities;
therein, privately, I’m accosted by thirst

I’m elegance converted and resilient
in fortitude on landscapes of vision,
left and done on the terrain in nights fallen, while
sitting on hillsides questioning, scribbling 
Do zenith extensions send me to scintillation?

Under two separate habitations
where dusk nudges blessings,
in freshness holding death’s warmth
I Piqué to and fro in the boxcar of a lonely train until
my aching body will pirouette no more …
wearing kaleidoscopes in death,
left jousted and caviler, spent alone


* I wrote this poem the other day using the prompt from NaPoWriMo
   Prompt #28 “translate a poem”. I used a poem by an Austrian poet, Alfred Brendel.

http://austria.poetryinternationalweb.org/piw_cms/cms/cms_module/index.php?obj_id=493&x=1

This poem, however, just sat there staring at me, and when Brenda offered the wordle words I decided to insert the words, which meant  moving a few words around, and this is the final result. Which has no semblance to Alfred's poem, whatsoever.
Thanks Brenda.

19 comments:

  1. I read Brendel's poem, too, Pamela. There's a touch of whimsy in your piece that I wouldn't have seen without the comparison. The last stanza of your piece is sad. I'm loving "wearing kaleidescopes in death."

    It's interesting that you inserted the words after already working this piece. Wow! Your work startles me again and again.
    ~Brenda

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  2. Thanks Brenda, I felt like I went out on a limb, a bit with this piece, but it was waiting for something;)and those words were it.

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  3. wow, kudos to you Pamela! I cannot even wrap my brain around translating a poem. I love what you did with this. the differences between yours as its own piece and then juxtaposed is quite amazing!

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  4. Eloquent, Pam. I enjoyed your process notes as well as the poem. We will see how it goes with these Sunday wordles. This one I enjoyed!

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  5. So glad to see you here, Pamela. And as usual, find your poem fascinating with resonating images that animate my need to make more poems. Like your process notes and how the wordle words really changed the landscape. I thought, at first, that I recognized something familiar, but was sure I was wrong as I continued reading. I really like what you've done here,

    Elizabeth

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  6. I love the imagery of the boxcar. Well done!

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  7. Wonderful poem, Pamela! I loved "wearing kaleidoscopes in death," and "Revenge is done, it’s hoarded my sunshine." Your words always flow so fluidly.

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  8. You blended the prompts well.

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  9. Your description of how the poem was written goes some way to explain its qualities and how another layer seems to ripple along just below the surface.

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  10. I'll have to go look at the Brendel poem, but later. I like where the speaker of this poem is - on the other side of revenge. That's such a great line: "Revenge is done; it's hoarded my sunshine". And that place where you are in the second to last stanza - beautiful. A lovely take on the wordle words.

    Richard

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  11. Great poem above all standards.Nicely created and expressed on here.Keep up with the good work.
    Meanwhile plz do pass by my blogs page read,follow and comment to aid me improve my works too.Thank you.Lovely day.
    EBENEZER.

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  12. I see a similar current of death in the two poems, but yours has much more depth to it (at least for me), though I like Brendel's poem too. "Rifts in swiftness" is a great phrase, and I like the counter-intuitive combo "death's warmth".

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  13. Your poems always bear reading aloud, for the incredible sounds. Absolutely love the sound of the first two lines.

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  14. Wow. Just. Wow. I have to come back later for a reread, just to see what else I get from this after some time to consider it.

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  15. I'm glad you added the process notes, or I would have been completely in the dark. As it is, I am wallowing wildly in your words.

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  16. Thanks to everyone for the lovely comments, and Viv is "wallowing" a good thing or a bad thing?

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