darkness comes I see you watching me
electricity
ecstasy on a metallic hinge
a messenger flies carrying coins
a rebel yearn if you don’t stop
I may explode nine times
at hamster speed we move about
in the cages of Tripoli
paper lines the parsley
in an unseen drawer
I don’t want to call you nasty names
a snag in the exterior lining of life
I teeter on the edge right now
velocity of all things stick
do you see me watching you?
we live in a fishbowl on a tabletop
comfort is earnest
while crabs feed at the bottom
as flies die on the carpet
Red Wolf Journal Spring 2014, and a fresh start
10 years ago
Posts
Oh, Pamela, maybe I am not wide awake yet this morning; but the message is hidden from me. I will revisit later and see if it is more clear. This prompt was difficult for me, and I think I will be passing on it unless I get a sudden inspiration. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteMary don't feel bad I am not sure I even knew what I was doing when I wrote this!
ReplyDeleteBut the message is a note to someone that I don't particularly care for, actually it is someone who I find quite annoying.
Pamela
I didn't try to find the hidden code because I was so enjoying the imagery in this. And these lines: "I may explode nine times / at hamster speed we move about / in the cages of Tripoli" which I just loved.
ReplyDeleteThanks James
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for commenting!
Pamela
This is a fabulous poem with some excellent lines
ReplyDeletewith a couple of great song titles incorporated
by Pink Floyd and Bill Withers
The message is
Piss Off Tuna Exterminators:)
Can't follow the connections, but I get the gist. You are one irked lady. (not wanting to call nasty names is a fine touch)
ReplyDeletelove the hampster speed, and paper lining the parsley (instead of the drawer, because, of course: unseen, duh)
Rall first off thanks for the compliment and actually I hadn't realized that those were titles from Pink Floyd or Bill Withers for that matter.
ReplyDeleteBut I must say I am laughing my ass off at the Piss off Tuna Exterminators!(or is that my arse)?
;)
Pamela
Barb
ReplyDeleteAt times I am indeed irked! Of course we have to line the parsley and not the drawer :)
Thanks!
Everyone's already mentioned my favorite lines! I don't have any idea what the hidden message is but fortunately it doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletetwitches first off thanks and the message is a note to someone!
ReplyDeletePamela
Nicely written! It's always hard to find ways to tell a person, you don't like very much, how you feel. I know the feeling. A great take on the prompt!
ReplyDelete-Weasel
So many individual lines stand out and your anger is at times palpable. Send it! :)
ReplyDeleteWell done, Pamela.
Weasel thanks for saying so! I have a hard time telling people sometimes how I feel about them but now having written this I feel much better!
ReplyDeletePamela
Brenda can you find the exact lines I wrote? Just curious! Thanks for commenting!
ReplyDeletePamela
I also write letters and notes to use up the access energy of anger or irritation. It helps in strange ways sometimes. But, it seldom turns out as smoothly as your poem (have a tendency to take short swift jabs and that makes for choppy work). Anyway, I like your piece and congratulate you on making it work for you.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Elizabeth thanks very much for that!
ReplyDeletePamela
Can't make the connections, but love the poem.
ReplyDeleteStan there is a small note inside the poem.
ReplyDeleteI will post it later. Thanks for the comment!
Pamela
Well, even with the benefit of all these comments, I'm still no nearer discovering your secret note Pamela! But you've got some great lines in there, especially 'hamster speed'!
ReplyDeleteDerrick thanks!
ReplyDelete"We live in a fishbowl on a tabletop" is a great line and so very true. Your message to that someone is tasteful yet direct. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteI get the drift, if not the exact message. 'a rebel yearn if you don’t stop/I may explode nine times' surely reveals a sense of outrage! Fun read, for sure.
ReplyDeleteZouxzoux thanks and yes that is so true!
ReplyDeletePamela
Susan thanks and yes that is it!
ReplyDeletePamela
I think I am too dense this morning to find your meaning, but no matter...the words themselves are wonderful, and sometimes obscurity makes things more interesting!
ReplyDeleteCynthia you are not the dense one it is me! i obviously am not very good at setting up codes inside of a body of text ugh! But thanks for the compliment.
ReplyDeletePamela
Pamela, oh, so many great lines here! I especially love ... "ecstasy on a metallic hinge" and... "a snag in the exterior lining of life"...wow. And "I may explode nine times" does indeed get across outrage! May I please borrow it the next time I'm pissed? ;-)
ReplyDeleteRobin you certainly may with my blessings ha!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the nice comments!
Pamela
I think the mystery of the meaning actually enhances the very strong imagery here.
ReplyDeleteFrancis thanks and I certainly flubbed the form a bit oops!
ReplyDeletePamela
The form is (only!!!) a jumping off point & it served you well. Inventive language & ideas!
ReplyDeleteThanks Deb I am sort of dense when it comes to puzzles! :)
ReplyDeletePamela