You know when you are there in that place
Where you want to go
And never come back here
“So what am I gonna do?” he asked
In an angry voice; full of hatred
She wondered does he really feel that insecure
That for her is just too sad
She is now feeling like she had never opened her eyes to look at this
But she is there with him and they are not sure of the outcome
Do they know how this will go?
It only ends here and back to the beginning
When she didn’t want to open her eyes
Posts
This is wonderful. Powerful words and image. A real slice of life.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for the nice comment.
ReplyDeletePamela
i like the question: "so what am i gonna do?" in the middle of this (since it's kind of a loop). it anchors it and makes it feel figure 8-ish. that's the wonderful shape it does in my mind! does that make any sense?
ReplyDeletethanks for posting!
Thanks Carolee. Yes that does make sense to me, but then that is me we are talking about, lol.
ReplyDeletePamela
I agree with Carolee. The fact that the poem comes to a close in a loop is fantastic. I really enjoy this poem. - Alejandra Garza
ReplyDeleteAlejandra, thanks I am glad you enjoyed it.
ReplyDeletePamela
The change in the ending's interesting. It makes a huge difference in some ways, but still leaves the couple in the same place.
ReplyDeleteBarbara,
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting. And yes it does leave exactly where they were in the beginning.
Pamela
This is great Pamela. I like the casual tone, which contrasts nicely with the mystery of the situation, circumstances and the man, which are nicely just beyond being explained. The tone also contrasts well with the solemn subject. The repetition about opening her eyes is very effective too. It adds to the morbidity, kind of like Frost's "and miles to go before I sleep."
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. This was I poem I revised for the Monday prompt. It was originally in the first person and I changed it to the third person. Again thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeletePamela