By Sepulture (mood disorder)
“The sky is azure today” he says to no one.
He is starting to feel strange in this place
He remembers the day when that colour reminded him of his “blazon of coats of arms”
(He comes from an old French family)
He was at one time quite noble
But now he is tired
sad
lonely
“How can my life go on in this barren land?” he says to the ground.
(He needs to talk to something)
“I fear he may be losing his mind” says a vulture circling above
In this place he remembers his once royal life and fancy clothes
But now he is sad
lonely
tired
He kneels on the ground, dressed in an old hooded sweatshirt and dirty jeans
“How has my life come to this?” he asks himself.
He pulls up his hood and covers his dirty hair
lonely
sad
tired
With no human to speak to
In front of him sits a chair as broken as him
lonely …
Posts
Those parenthetical remarks give an interesting effect, distancing. I think I agree with the vulture.
ReplyDeleteHow the mighty are fallen. A Don Quixote character, only younger!
ReplyDeleteIt is probably just me, but throughout the gloom I had a sense of sarcastic humor...I enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteI feel like this poem could be a screenplay, or a scene from a movie. Must be my theater background.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the heck out of it.
Thanks Barbara. I really appreciate the comment. Yes, I think the vulture understands what's going on.
ReplyDeletePamela
Derrick,
ReplyDeleteDon Quixote indeed thanks.
Pamela
Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting. That's a interesting take on the poem. Are you new to RWP?
Pamela
Julie,
ReplyDeleteThanks. I am glad you enjoyed it. I haven't heard from you in awhile. How is everything going?
Pamela
I like the way you give the vulture a voice here. It's a real surprise.
ReplyDelete"he says to no one"
ReplyDeletei like that. i wonder what things we say to no one. another prompt idea!
great voice indeed Pam...nicely done...so now a screen play hu?....so you "tortured" youself with this?....it was missing my Wed nite poker that tortured me. I might have saved myself a dollar...anyways thanks for sharing this and take care
ReplyDeleteThanks Nanthan. I wrote this on the last day before we had to submit. I enjoyed the challenge. Great prompt!
ReplyDeletePamela
Carolee,
ReplyDeleteThanks. I also wonder how often do we speak to no one.
Pamela
Wayne,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment. Yes I wrote this yesterday. After staring at the photo everyday and saying to myself. "I don't think I can do this" You take care. And talk to you soon.
Pamela
Of course. The vulture would know. Sad, tired, lonely as only the man and the vulture could know. You wrote the loneliness that wraps this scene. Lovely.
ReplyDeleteThanks Susan, I really appreciate your comment. As always. How are you doing?
ReplyDeletePamela
"How can my life go on in this barren land?” he says to the ground.
ReplyDelete(He needs to talk to something)
“I fear he may be losing his mind” says a vulture circling above"
I really like these kinds of conversations.
A sweet flicker within the scene.
Thanks so much Neil. I really appreciate your comments.
ReplyDeletePamela
I like the compassion in this poem -- compassion extended not only to the lowly chair, but also to the man who was once a noble. Not many people are generous enough to be compassionate to nobles who have fallen on bad times. I love the detail of the vulture, because it captures, with one invented detail, that huge sky in the painting.
ReplyDeleteTherese,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for commenting. I love how you explain things with great attention to details. Again thanks.
Pamela
I like how you move inside and outside between the character and his environment (and the things in it, like the vulture) in this poem. You do it well, without any jarring. Nicely done.
ReplyDelete-Nicole
I love the sense of melancholy in this as well as the way each stanza seems to fade down to three words which repeat in differing order. Really reinforces that feeling of defeat.
ReplyDeleteAnd the talking vulture is right up my alley too. I love vultures and write lots of poems about them :).
Nicole,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the comment. I appreciate you stopping by.
Pamela
Thanks James for commenting. I on the other hand am terrified of vultures. In that photo I just saw a vulture up above. Circling round and round.
ReplyDeletePamela
I like how compassion for his sadness is brought out by the environment, by the asides in his head, by the vulture - but not by another person - as it is for lonely people.
ReplyDeleteWanda thanks for stopping by and commenting. I saw a lot of loneliness in that photo.
ReplyDeletePamela